labor of love

Cheesy, overdone title I know. But, I couldn’t think of a better title that conveys childbirth especially given how much you mean to me, B.

You came in to the world pretty easy, but I’ll spare you every detail. I woke up Wednesday, September 2 and started my day as I always do: slow, easy, and with a clear and open mind. I had been to the doctor the day before and had made no “lady” progress since the prior week. But, I had my first contraction within the first hour I was awake. I had been in pain before and had also had a few cases of Braxton Hicks. So, I wasn’t concerned.

Usually, my contractions only lasted an hour, but an hour passed and I was still having contractions. So, I ate something. Contractions continued. A few hours later I decided to take a shower. Contractions continued. So, I decided to just lay in bed until your dad came home from work, or until I decided I needed to call him so we could go to the hospital.

Your dad got home and thought we were going grocery shopping. Ha! He took a shower; I showered (again). They say you need to be prepared, have a bag packed and have a birthing plan ready. Well, the only thing I had planned was that before I went to the hospital to give birth I was going to shower, and shower I did. I had contractions from 10:30 AM – 5:30 PM. I was pretty sure you were coming.

Cut to three hours later. Here I am getting monitored and waiting to be admitted. Patiently bored is what I’ll call this. So, I think I handled labor pretty well. I was quiet, breathing heavy during the pain. I was admitted into labor and delivery around 10 PM. Your dad was like most dads, “what, now?!”

So, around 1 AM the contractions got a little too much for me. I couldn’t move, and they wouldn’t let me get out of bed because the doctor broke my water. I don’t remember how it happened but I heard the nurse say the epidural was only a butterfly needle. The whole time I denied an epidural like it was my job. As soon as I heard “butterfly needle” I turned my attention to getting an epidural, no coaxing required. I had my IV put in earlier because I needed some antibiotics. So, if I could get my first IV without a noise, epidural please!

I fell asleep. The nurse came in, woke me up, checked me, and got ready to deliver a baby! Your father, “what, now?!”  I kept telling both our families if I had you at 3 AM I was not calling anyone. Little did I know you’d actually come at 3:08 AM. Thanks for that, by the way.

 Here we are minutes later. I’ll call this one nervous, epidural, 3 AM, first time mom, I’m not sure what to do. I think most first time moms are like this, ha! But there are your pretty eyes looking up at me. It gets me every time.

Here we are now. I’ve since gotten the hang of it, and I love it.

Love ya B!


you, me, and our grandparents

 This picture was taken a few days ago, and it makes me delve deep into my emotions I like to keep to myself. It’s bittersweet for me for many reasons.

It makes me realize how aged my grandma is. Hopefully, by now, you are aware of who she is and have a few memorable years of her yourself. I’m sorry you didn’t get her best years. Even today she’s not at her best. She is fighting an uphill battle of advanced dementia. Despite all of that, she loves you something fierce.

It just reminds me of my grandpa, who as you can see is not present in this picture. He died almost a year ago, and it’s coming at me like a freight train.

Here we are. This is how I will remember him: mustache, no shirt, no teeth, and in his chair.

As I’ve stated before I’ve never been the type of girl to just lay out my emotions, but he was everything to me. The relationship I have/had with my parents is nonexistent and a story for another time. But he was more to me than a grandpa. He was my grandpa, my father figure, the man I looked to for answers, and the only man I knew would love me no matter how bad I fucked up or how well I succeeded (until your dad came along). My grandma was the first woman in my life who also loved me unconditionally until I realized at 26 that my aunt was also that person. I loved him more than I ever knew I could love anyone until you came along.

He died 11.04.14, and I found out I was pregnant with you a few days after the new year. I could not shake the fact that you two would never get to meet seeing as the only thing he ever wanted was for me to have children.

He was a very popular man. Everyone he met loved him, and he was a very generous man. He loved me unconditionally. I wish he could have loved you that way too. To him I was one grandchild of six, but he was my everything.

Love you, B.

you in weeks

bb, you are really pulling on my heart strings lately (read everyday). 

This is my all time favorite picture of you. It was taken just four days after you were born. Your little baby eyes open. You hardly opened them until you were two and a half weeks old. Your sweet face knows nothing of the pains, sorrows, or unfairness of life. So sweet. So innocent. It knows nothing but love. Your dad’s love. My love.

  This is your dad’s favorite picture of you. I can see why. You’re adorable. You’re wearing our favorite onsie; it looks adorable on you. You look so comfortable and safe in my arms. It’s where you love to be. I hope you never grow out of that. 
  This is you today. Your bed head gets me everytime. Your lamby jammies. Your big, alert, and loving eyes. My arms are where you love to be. My heart is where you’ll always be. 
I know you’ll grow older, taller, and independent, but you’ll always be my baby. My first baby. 

Love you.

a fork in the road

Well, when I started this blog my intention for it was just to be a generic “family/cooking/lifestyle” blog. But, as I downloaded the WordPress app and started looking around at other peoples’ blogs I see they are more personal than I would have thought. Unfortunately, I’m not the type of girl to just lay it all on the table for even the people closest to me let alone strangers. 

But then I thought my blog does need more substance and meaning. So, as we were making cookies, yes  you at five weeks old helped me make cookies for a bridal shower. (You love to be held. I think you let me put you down about twice a day.) Well, as we were making cookie dough, I thought I’d dedicate my blog to you. So, maybe at a designated age, or when I’m done writing my story, you can sit down and read about me, you, and your dad as I see us through my eyes. 

Love you, bb.

procrastination, rain, and you

Goodness! It’s been two months since I’ve posted anything!

We’re basically in the middle of this crazy rain from hurricane Joaquin. So, we’ve got that going for us. Luckily, we are okay. I’ve been watching the weather channel like crazy. I’m basically a meteorologist now. Before Joaquin it rained here for a week and a half straight, and yet it continues to rain. This weather is for the ducks…and our drought…and the well being of the ecosystem…and my lemon tree. I think he’s grown six inches since it started raining. He’s so full and focused. 

Since my last post (and I’ve planned to make these posts themselves) I’ve had a baby shower, baby (you!!), baked some yummy cookies, and I’m hosting my very first bridal shower this weekend. Wish me luck!

But until I get myself in gear, being a stay at home mom is strenuous, here’s a picture of bb (that’s what I call you).

Goodness you are precious. ❤️